Playing With-Child

You play a game that no one knows
At first you imagine the life within
How much of it would be you
And how much of it would be him

And then you imagine
How you would relate to a one-year old
the first year
A two-year old
the second
A three-year old
the third year
Four -

Some years you forget to play
Other years like mornings you're not ready to begin
You stay in bed
Trying to keep warm
The memory of the sin

You keep the receipt as a testimony of a boy
that would have been
ten - now,
and of the price that you paid
and wish had been more.